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Return
The return home
I smile as everything returns
Familiar things everywhere
I have missed this place so little
I'm only here for another visit
But yet this visit seems eternal
I'm back home, but my friends aren't here
They never were and never will be
I've never understood why I call this place home
I hate it so much, but yet I'm drawn to it
I knew this day would come,
But I wasn't ready
Sumthing's not right
I feel like maybe I actually wasn't right
I guess I'll enjoy the darkness that is my home.
10/24/03
Blur
I've lost you yet again
This time I wasn't killing you though
I'd finally thought everything was better again
But apparently that just wasn't so.
You told me you hated me
You said I didn't care
I guess I'll just never see
I've always loved you I swear
You lied, you kept secrets
You tore out my heart
I thought we'd always love each other
But now our relationship's so damn tart
I asked you to choose
I do'nt know why because I already knew your answer
This time I really did lose
Once again my life's a blur.
10/24/03
Miss You
I'm suffering,
I'm in pain,
I wish that someone was here to comfort me,
But you're already gone.
You haven't even been gone a day but I already miss you.
I miss your voice,
Your laugh,
That smile,
And that beautiful face.
The pain in my head doesn't want to stop,
But just thinking of you relieves it some.
How will I survive a week without you?
The more I think of you the more I miss you.
I just want to see you,
Hear you,
Feel you.
I feel so lonely without you,
I just want to be close to you,
And I want you to hold me.
6/20/02
Our Fd Up World
The world used to have a nice face,
But now its just a fucked up place.
Whats wrong with our race?
Whats the point of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes?
Were they just made to fuck up society even more?
I dont understand it...
Why would someone want to screw u their body for an artificial high?
Are people just afraid to face their problems?
Is it our fault, our parents, society?
Whos is it?
Sex?
Why is it so tempting?
Why dont people understand that one night of fun could fuck up their life?
Are people just afraid of commitment?
Do they just not want to wait til marriage,
Just so that they can have more than one person?
Why do people kill?
It seems like its done just for shits and giggles.
Why do people feel like they must cause violence?
When will the bloodshed stop?
Will it ever?
Whats happened to our world?
Why are todays teenagers so fucked up?
I wish I could change the world,
But not for me.
I want to change it for my kids,
Because I dont want them having to live through what Ive had to.
06/17/02
Lost
Another year of my life gone.
Where has my life gone?
I feel like I was only a little kid yesterday.
Now Im 17 and another year closer to graduation.
High schools went by so fast.
Im gonna be facing the real world soon,
But I dont know if Im ready.
I used to just want to grow up so I coud be independent,
But now I dont want to have to leave home.
I dont want to leave that warm, safe spot under my moms wing.
I dont want to face the real world,
I dont want to leave my friends,
But I dont have much of a choice.
Everyday I get closer and closer to being on my own.
I dont want to grow up,
Im just so scared about facing the real world,
And my future.
06/09/02
Lonely Kids
Whats wrong with this world?
People seem to hate others for no reason.
Just because I look different from him,
Or she looks different from her is that a reason to hate?
So what if I look the same as you?
Is that a crime?
Look at that little kid,
Is it right to exclude him from everything?
All because he listens to different music?
Do you think its "cool" to exclude someone,
Just because they want to fit in?
Maybe they only look the way they do because of you.
You might call him a poseur,
But maybe hes only a poseur because he doesnt know where he belongs.
Maybe if he just had a friend hed figure out where he belongs,
And finally start to be himself.
Everyday thousand if not more kids feel and are treated like this,
What if one day youre that new kid that no onell talk to?
How will you feel then?
So why be yet another person,
Just like the rest of the school and ignore that lonely little kid,
And be the different one and make his day?
06/05/02
What Happened
Whats happening to me?
I used to be a wannabe prep,
But then I changed.
Now Im called a punk.
But is that what I really want to be?
I used to be real big into the whole punk rock thing,
But now its lost most of the appeal that it had.
Am I changing again?
Already?
So soon?
I just dont know who or what I am anymore.
I want to find out.
I dont want to live my life like this...
not knowing what Im trying to do with my life.
I used to want to just be different,
But...now that Ive changed and tried to be different...
everyone else seems to have changed too.
I just dont know what to do with my life anymore.
Whats a stupid confused little kid suppose to do when they dont know what to do?
06/03/02
Hope
Hope
Where did it all go?
I wish I could find it
I dont want to give up but
What am I suppose to do?
I have no purpose and
All my direction has done is hurt me.
I try to help people like I was told was right, but
All I do is get hurt.
Im told that I run my mouth all the time
And it only every gets me into a fight with someone.
I just want to curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep
Because Ive lost all hope.
What do I have left?
Without hope is there anything left?
I try and try to be accepted, but I wont be
Whether it be by people, for a job, or whatever
It just doesnt matter.
I guess Im just easy to hate.
Will my hope ever return?
05/30/02
I Wish
I wish that I knew you better
I fell like I just met you
But I know that I like you
I understand your struggle
You just want to fit in
No matter the cost
But trying to fit in where you dont belong is a futile fight.
Theres not way to fit in and still be yourself
Unless you find the people thatll accept you
Not for what you do or will do but for who you are.
Sitting here writing this Im scared shitless
Not b/c of something that Ive done or will do
But because of what you might do
But why would you do that shit and throw away your life?
Do you just want to escape?
If so look towards your "real" friends to escape with
Not these so called "friends" that just want to see what youll do
Just for acceptance.
They dont care for you they just want someone to laugh at.
I wish that I could get you to see my point
True friends will love you for who you are and not what youll do.
Theyll try to keep you from screwing up you whole life.
They wont do it because they view you as a person to laugh at
But because they love you as a friend
Would a couple of so-called "friends" saying that theyll like you be worth it?
Would if be worth losing your life?
Hearing about what you might do crushed me
Ill always be there for you if you need someone
Just ask
I know life can be rough,
Especially when you think that no one care
For you
But therell always be someone that does
Your friends
I wish I could assure you that everythingll be "OK",
But I dont know that for sure.
I wish that I did but I dont
Dont live your life for others
Its not worth the hassle and pain it causes.
Live your life for yourself,
And even though you life might be shitty now
One day itll get better.
I suffered through situations similar to yours for years
And everytime that I though I found a way to fit in
I was rejected again.
But now Ive finally decided what to do with my life
I wont live it to try to please others anymore
Ill live it for my own happiness.
Its so much better this way.
So I guess what Im just trying to say is
Just live your life for yourself,
Not others.
04/20/02
Confusion
Why do I have to feel like this?
I feel as if no one knows that I exist.
Im stading here all alone with no place to go,
And I just want to know what I can do.
Is there anything I can do,
To make this pain go away?
I wonder, will I ever be happy again?
If so when?
Ive been living in depression
for years now, is this some type of lession?
Am I being taught,
or is this really just nothing?
Maybe one day Ill know,
or maybe Ill never know.
I might always be at this low,
But I dont know.
Whatll happen to me is a puzzle,
But one day itll be solved.
4/18/02
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